Examples of different sets of pronouns

Generally when listing pronouns, only the first two in a set are listed as three or more gets bulky and repetitive unless they are more uncommon and benefit from the extra clarification.

• He/Him
  • Typically used by individuals who identify as male, whether transgender or cisgender (not trans).
• She/Her
  • Typically used by individuals who identify as female, whether trans or cis.
• They/Them
  • Used by non-binary individuals or those who don't conform to traditional gender divisions.
  • "They" can be both singular and plural. When using these pronouns, avoid overthinking and just speak logically as you normally would. For example,  “They bought themself ice cream for their birthday.”
• Ze/Hir/Hirs
  • Some individuals may prefer other gender-neutral pronouns like "ze" and "hir." These are called neopronouns and can vary greatly. Other neopronouns include fey/feyr, Xe/Xir, and e/em.
  • While these can seem confusing, they are also the least common pronoun variations and the people who use them are often prepared to explain how they work.
• Combos: she/they, they/he, any
  • Sometimes people use multiple sets of pronouns at once. This can be because one set doesn’t fully cover their identity, or their gender can fluctuate over time.
  • The best practice in these situations is to alternate between the pronouns they use. This can even happen within the same sentence! Think of it as being playful with language. An appropriate sentence might be, “My friend recommended her favorite new book to me this week; they have the best taste!”
  • If you’re not comfortable hopping back and forth, then it is okay to choose one of the person’s pronouns and stick with it. You can either choose the pronoun that is listed first with the assumption that it is their “primary” pronoun for daily use, or you can choose the pronoun that is the most trans since it is likely the one they hear the least. It’s up to you, just make sure that you follow any feedback you are given.

When to Ask for Pronouns

It's appropriate to ask for pronouns during the first class session or during one-on-one conversations with students. This demonstrates inclusivity and respect for gender diversity, and gives you the opportunity to clear up any confusion early on. 

Different options for learning pronouns in the classroom

• Go around the room and have everyone share their pronouns as part of your first day introductions.
  • If you are going to ask for pronouns out loud, you must ask everyone in the same way. That way you avoid singling out individual students and making anyone uncomfortable.
  • That said, this is not the recommended method. It is much better to allow students to share their pronouns in private first, as we don’t want to pressure anyone to come out if they’re not prepared to.
• Privately with cards, journals, or other self-introduction activities in class.
  • Many professors begin their classes with self-introduction questions given on paper to students. These are an excellent way to ask about pronouns privately and with greater nuance than public announcements. Sometimes students in complicated situations may have a preferred name not in the system, or want to use different pronouns in class and around family or in public.
• Reading supplemental context clues.
  • Sometimes students (and colleagues) will announce their identities with things like pronoun pins, pride flags, and pronouns in their email signatures. These things can help you notice if someone has different pronouns, and they serve as reminders if you forget or slip up.
  • Don’t assume that someone without pronoun pins or pride flags is cisgender though! Not everyone will show their identity so publicly.

Exercises to Remember Pronouns

• Take notes to remind yourself.
  • These can be as involved as creating mini student profiles detailing pronouns, preferred names, and any pertinent information or interests that come up during the course of the semester, or as simple as keeping the self-introduction cards from the beginning of class around to jog your memory.
• Make an effort to use the correct pronouns in conversation.
  • This is especially important and effective when the person you’re referring to isn’t present. Consider practicing talking about someone with a friend, making sure to use the correct name and pronouns as often as possible and smoothly correcting each other when necessary. This will help you get practice in without making it weird for the person in question.
• Practice sentences in your head.
  • If practicing in conversation feels uncomfortable or you just have a quick moment to yourself, try writing sentences on paper or repeating them in your head like they used to do in school. This will help you develop muscle memory and build the correct association with the person, their name, and their pronouns. It feels a little silly, but practice really does make perfect!
• Accept feedback and corrections.
  • When someone corrects you about their pronouns, it is a sign of respect towards you as much as it is a request for respect towards them. It means they think you are worth the energy it takes to speak up, and they want to have a positive relationship with you moving forward. Take it as a good sign, correct the mistake, and keep going.
  • Rather than getting defensive or apologizing profusely and disrupting the flow of conversation, it is better to quickly thank the person that corrected you and continue with the conversation. Protesting or apologizing too much makes the situation about you and puts pressure on the person to comfort you, even though they are the one getting misgendered.
  • Remember, trans people have to deal with things like misgendering regularly, and it can be exhausting to correct, reassure, and educate other people about it multiple times a day. Your goal should be to take responsibility and make conversations as seamless as possible, moving on from slipups with grace.
  • Important note: nobody is perfect! While consistency is the goal, nobody is expected to gender everyone perfectly every time. Don’t let the fear of messing up keep you from putting in the work to show respect and improve your skills over time.

Recovering from Slipups: Review

• Apologize and Correct: Immediately acknowledge the mistake, apologize, and then use the correct pronoun without drawing excessive attention to the error.
• Don't Overreact: While it's important to take pronoun usage seriously, overreacting to mistakes can make both you and the student uncomfortable. A simple apology and correction suffice.
• Reflect and Learn: Take some time to reflect on why the mistake happened and how to avoid it in the future. Continuous learning and growth are key to creating an inclusive environment.